Life in Segments

I've really been loving cuties lately...you know the little Mandarin oranges.

 This morning, as I was peeling and segmenting my cuties, I started to think about how my life is segmented.

Grad school. Work. Job hunting. Friends. Family. Boyfriend. Writing. Running. Yoga. Enjoyable activities. (I'm sure there are more I'm forgetting.)

It's interesting to me how some segments look good, and then others look like not so good. But that's life I guess. It's full of ebbs and flows. Ups and downs. Good and bad. And we as people just take it like it comes.

But I started to wonder how many people are forced to segment their lives. How many people pick their work, which may just be a mediocre job, over something they actually love, like spending time with their families or traveling or whatever.

Let me tell you a secret: I've figured myself out. What I like. What I don't like. Who I want to spend my time with. Where I like to eat. What I stand for. What I'll defend. What I'll let fall by the way side. I don't have everything about everything figured out, but I've got me figured out.

I am who I am. I am someone I like. I am happy in my own skin. I march to my own beat, and I like it best that way.

Lately, I've been defending myself a whole lot. So much in fact, that certain sides of my personality that don't get showcased very often are out in full display all the time. And I don't like being that way...But I feel forced to defend myself and the things that are important to me.

Let me give you some examples of how far I've come in all this:

Three-years-ago-me would have been told by her then-boyfriend what we were doing on the weekends. If it interfered with something I'd already planned, I would bail and do whatever then-boyfriend wanted because I didn't want him to be upset with me.

The-now-version-of-me catches flack from now-boyfriend about running interfering with his idea of our weekend plans. The moment the complaint about running finishes coming out of his mouth, I shut it down. I defend why running is important and why it's important for him to support me, even though it's something he's not interested in or understands. Definitely not something I use to do.

We have to stand for something, or we will fall for anything. And I will not fall back into those weak ways I once knew very well. I will not let myself be walked all over. I am stronger and braver now than I ever was. And I will not let that be compromised.

Like I said, I am who I am. I am proud of who I am. I will always defend who I am and what I stand for.

"I am woman, hear me roar." - Helen Reddy

Limbo

Recently I've been getting the feeling that I am in my life's version of limbo. It just seems like I'm hanging around waiting for my adult life to start and my college life to end.

Now I realize that I am still in school and only working part-time, but grad school is like college on steroids and my job will hopefully turn into my "big girl" job when school is over.

We go through various limbos in life. But this one seems like a pretty significant one. People are starting to wonder...What's gonna happen to her? The thing is that I've passed some of the times in life where "society" thinks should have happened by now.

Case in point: I'm 23 years old. And I currently do not have a boyfriend. Society says "You should have meet that someone in college, and now you should be on the track of engagement, marriage, a two-story house with a white-picket fence and a dog. What's wrong with you?"

Well, (A) nothing is wrong with me, and (B) my guess is that I'm still in limbo. And I feel like I've been in this particular limbo for about 3 years. The first two years not as much (just a recovery period from the Dark Days), but this past year, it feels like I have really jumped head first into my life's limbo. It's strange.

Do I want to meet that special someone? Yes, of course. But do I want to feel forced to conform to what society says a 23-year-old girl should be doing? Not really. I don't want to be feel rushed into something. And the house with the white-picket fence is not ideal for me. My style is much more modern and chic with a lot less of the country house, stay-at-home mom feel.

I am happy right now, but I will be happier once school is no longer putting a damper on my social life and good humor. I'm excited about graduating and starting a career. I'm excited about making it all work on my own.

But the thing about limbo is not knowing. And while it's half the fun, the other half is scary. So this is where I am on this beautiful Tuesday morning. Taking stock of my life in limbo. I'm completely over being in this limbo, but I still think it is necessary for me to really get ahold of myself before I'm released for good into the big wide world. So I'll just keep plodding along in limbo.

If you feel the same way I do, we should talk about it. Nothing is better than getting it out of your head. I would love to talk to you about it. But if you are more of the suffer-in-silence type, then here is my grand adivce:

Limbo doesn't last forever. We all have funks in life where we don't feel like ourselves. But it's just the physical and mental battle of your new self kicking your old self in the butt. It's a reality check. What comes out of limbo is a new person. You may look the same, talk the same, walk the same, but your insides are different and you think different. It's cool. Just go with it. And then rock whatever self come out after limbo. Because you were meant to be that way for a reason.

Hope you guys have a wonderful week. Pray that it doesn't rain Saturday since I will moving to the big city.
Happy Tuesday. Love you. :)

Until next time...