Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Well it's four days into the new year, and I haven't posted in forever. But that's ok. Just means I have lots of stories to tell you now that I'm back.

I've been wanting to tell the St. Jude's half marathon story for weeks now, but my spare time has been sparse. I do solemnly swear to tell the St. Jude's half marathon story. But for now I give you some teasers.

 Just so you know I finished. Because I did. And it was awesome.

And for Christmas I got this.

One of the few things I have with the coveted 13.1 on it. I need to tell you that the race expo had no small 13.1 stickers. So no new car bling. Zip. Nada. Nan.

Needless to say, I was completely appalled by the lack of stickers. I mean I did run 13.1 miles. And my car has nothing to show for it.

I also need to mention the fact that I wore my medal for an entire day. Yep.

And just for good measure, I should also bring up the fact the Mayans were complete wrong in their end of the world prediction. 2013 is here and going full force. And I'm hanging on by the skin of my teeth.

It's crazy to me how time just zooms by. I wake up, eat, work, eat again, socialize, eat again, run, shower, sleep, repeat. My new job has taken over my life. And for a 20 hour part-time job, I'm not sure how it's become such a dominate force.

Aside from things being crazy with the new job and lots of traveling back and forth from the Big City to the homeland, everything is strangely normal.

I rang in 2013 with my two favorite people (the roommate and Chelsey if you're curious). One of which was the birthday girl (a.k.a the roommate) on NYE.

I think the roommate had a pretty good birthday...I mean she looks fabulous. 25 and fabulous.

I'm looking forward to 2013.

While 2012 wasn't a complete bust, it wasn't the best of years either. I mean I broke up with someone. Was jobless for three months. My three-year-old cousin was diagnosed with cancer and had major bone replacement surgery. Stress everywhere.

But the upside is that I broke up with someone that wasn't right for me. Was jobless for three months while I helped take care of the cancerous three-year-old who had major bone replacement surgery. I got a new job that I like a whole lot. I became friends with someone I never thought I would become friends with, and I've realized it was a God-given friendship. I trained for and ran my first half marathon. And I rang in the new year with two of my favorite people on earth.

So 2012 is what I would call a growing year. I feel like a completely different person, and by that I mean a better person. I learned a lot about myself and what I don't want for this one life I get. So that just means the possibilities for what I do want in my life will be easier to find. And that means I must be doing something right. Right?

I hope everyone has a fantastic start to this new year. And I hope you know this means a fantastic start (or I should say restart) to blogging. I'm back!!!!

Number 200: Documentaries and Cookies

Today's a big day, and it's not because it's Valentine's Day, although that is important to some people. This day is blessed with being the day I wrote my 200th blog post. And brace yourselves. I have a lot to tell you.

So let's start with the obvious: Valentine's Day.

Not trying to toot my own horn, but one of the perks of dating me is the fact that I can bake. My Valentine was pretty excited because I baked him some cookies. And let me just say I got up at 6 A.M. to set out butter to soften, and I was baking cookies at 9 A.M. on Friday morning. Yep, I'm that girl. But it's definitely a perk that I can bake.

These are white chocolate pistachio cookies, and they are absolutely delicious. I found the recipe on Julie's blog when Ali submitted it for a holiday cookie link-up. At Christmas this year, I made a variation of these beauties by adding some dried cranberries. Nothing says Christmas better than red and green speckled cookies. So good. Make them today. As in right now. You won't be sorry.

Moving on. I watched two amazing documentaries on Netflix yesterday. "Forks Over Knives" and "Food, Inc." are absolute must-sees. I can't even begin to tell you how captivated I was, and still am, over these two movies.

We are what we eat. And it's even more true now that I've seen how food is made and what it can do to the body. Both documentaries had a huge impact on me and how I want to continue living my life. But "Forks Over Knives" really hit home for me, and it's sort of put me in a soul-searching place. Let me tell you why.

"Forks Over Knives" makes a grand claim that a whole foods, plant-based diet will prevent degenerative diseases such as Alzheimer's, dementia, diabetes and many, many types of cancers. And with this grand claim, the documentary provides evidence of said diet working on patients with lots of health issues. There's a lot more to it than just that and I could talk about it all day because it's fascinating, but I won't do that to you.

Now I've said it before, I could easily be a vegetarian, but giving up the occasional cheeseburger, bacon and fried catfish filets would be pretty painful for me. And living the "Forks Over Knives" diet would mean I would have to become vegan, which means giving up not only all meats but also all dairy products.

Y'all I love cheese. Giving up cheese would be like a death. And not being able to put half and half in my coffee would make me very sad. And I don't really want to have to explain my choice of becoming vegan to everyone who isn't of like mind.

But if that means I could ward off Type 2 diabetes, breast cancer and Alzheimer's, cheese and half and half seem like miniscule issues. I love all fruits and vegetables. I love rice and pasta. I love bread. I already limit the amount of meats I eat, so the only major jump I would make would be nixing the dairy.

I'm not saying it's something I'm going to do, but it's something I am considering. I'd love to talk with a nutritionist and a doctor before I make any significant changes. It's a big change. A lifestyle change. A HUGE lifestyle change. But it's something to think about.

Watch the documentaries, and tell me that they didn't plant some seeds.

What did you make your Valentine this year?

Do you think you could ever go vegetarian or vegan? Why or why not?

Ever Moving Forward

What is it about friendship break-ups that are so much worse than regular break-ups?

I broke a friendship yesterday. But in my defense, it was a long time coming and I got the worse end of the break-up stick. Truth is I'm not ready to talk about what happened. I need time to heal and gain some perspective on the entire situation.

But you can read about the saga of our relationship here and here and here. Like I said, it was a long time coming. And I knew once I said what I needed to say, his response would not be the one I wanted to hear. But I did it anyway even though I knew it would cause me a lot of pain.

When it comes right down to it, if I had never said anything about the way I was feeling, he would have been oblivious for a long time. And I would have always wondered what if. But now I know it's not what I thought it could be. So I push on. Ever moving forward.

The roommate wrote me a note to try to cheer my spirits. I found it by the coffee pot this morning. Reason 987459827 as to why she's the best roommate ever.

It says:
Things to think of today...

• We have in our possession a pair of the exact gloves they wear on Deadliest Catch. We can pick up everything frozen.
• We are freakin funny.
• We own a Christmas fetus candle. (ed. note: The candle is called Christmas Festival...the roommate can't read.)
• NEEDTOBREATHE. Well we met them. Looked into all their eyes.
• We be lovin each other.
• We own 4,052 coffee cups.
• Animal dance moves of ours are clearly inspirational.
• SHUT UP DAVID.
• Katie is most likely on her bed.
• We are going to get a sticker
• Cancas.

I'm not sure when I'll be ready to talk about the details of what happened yesterday...and the past week...and the past three years. But someday, I'll share this life lesson with you. But I can already tell you I'm a better person for having had the experience. A much braver person than I thought I ever could be.

It's a Revolution

I started this whole running thing with the idea of toning up. And the hopes of liking something I haven't been known to enjoy.

This is week two. And thanks to my shoes and mom I'm starting to like it more than I thought I would.

Apparently these posts about what I'm doing and how I'm liking running or not liking running is having an affect on other non-runners.

Case in point:

Logan.

She and I have been friends since forever, but I think we really became friends in high school. She turned 16 on October 6 of our sophomore year, and I didn't turn 16 until February 6. So she would pick me up for school, and we would ride around the "cool" part of town before we had to be at school. (Did I mention that she lives right down the street...about three houses to be exact.)

She had this boyfriend. A boy I was basically in LOVE with. He was the prettiest boy I'd ever seen and the son of a family friend. Needlesstosay, he was never interested in me that way, and after a while I got over it. (We were more like brother and sister towards each other.) But I never got over how pretty he was.

Anyway, he was a freshman at ASU in Jonesboro. And every morning I would get in her car to listen to them yell at each other. It's funny now to think about it, but back then I was a little nervous. And every day the fighting would always end the same way.

After 15 or 20 minutes of her yelling "Tyler, GO to clean-up," she would look at me and sigh. Ashten doesn't want to listen to me yell at you anymore. So please just get up and go to clean up...Ok....I will talk to you when I get out of school...bye. But on the very rare occasions, she would just simply hang up.

Toward the end of our junior year in high school, Tyler, her boyfriend, was in a car wreck in Jonesboro, and he died. It was hands down the hardest thing I have ever went through. He was my first friend and person close to my age that died. I was 17.

After he died, my friendship with Logan changed. I'm not really sure how to explain it, but I think we both realized what we had lost. And this horrible thing knit us together for life.

Once the hype calmed down and her real grieving process began, people stopped coming over to check on her. But I didn't. I would got stay at her house on nights when she was home alone and didn't want to be by herself. And eventually, time heals all wounds, even though a wound like that can only heal so much. We are both still and will be forever scarred.

We both went to college; she in Fayetteville, and I in Conway. But our friendship has always just picked up from the last place it left off. And that's what I love about her as a friend.

When I moved to Little Rock, we began talking more and more. And planning hang-out dates, dinners, and drunken nights where we've tried to remember old cheerleading dances to songs we can't really remember.

Yesterday she sent me a text message that said Make me run!!!!!!!!! I said Get your shoes ready. I will pick you up tomorrow. We are going around 7.

And that was it. A revolution has begun. She has made it well-known to me throughout our friendship that she is NOT a runner. In fact, she told me yesterday that she can run to the mailbox and back, but that's about it.

She wants to run, and I want to help her run. All it takes it a text saying we are going here at this time, get your shoes on, I'll pick you up in 10.

This is what friends do. Support other friends. I told her it would not be a bed of roses. It's going to be sweltering hot, sweat will pour, and she will probably hate running and me at first. But it will get better. She will get better.

It's all about accountability and a little self-motivation. You have to want to do it before you can actually do it. And it helps to have someone there to push you along when you really don't want to do it.

So today, Logan and I will run. It will be the start of something new and good for her. And it will be the next chapter in our friendship. Yippie. I've got a feeling this will be good. So stay tuned for Logan's post-run update tomorrow.



Some Things Changes and Others Don't

I haven't forgotten that I was suppose to show you my new patio decor, but yesterday's post was just so long that I thought I'd save it for today.

Remember this is the patio BEFORE the new decor.















Pretty purple and bare.

And here is the patio AFTER:

Pillows in the chairs from Hobby Lobby really bring some life to the bland patio.

My chair with flower pillow.

The roommate's chair with pink pillow.

The door and floor also got some new bling.

Remember the yarn wreath inspired by Shanna at Keepin' Up With The Moody's?

I think the patio turned out pretty well. I'm still in search of the perfect flower pot since Anthropologie had an epic fail when I went to purchase a sweet giraffe flower pot, and it wasn't in the store anymore. What a let down. But on to the next.

Next topic: Facebook Cleanse

Have you ever had the urge to go through all your Facebook friends, e-mail contacts or something like that and "remove" people you don't know/like?

I've seen Facebook statuses where people congratulate "those who have made it through the Facebook Cleanse." I've always wondered what makes people keep some people and get rid of others.

I've never done a "Facebook Cleanse." If I have a problem with someone for whatever reason (they are mean to me, their statuses update every 5 seconds, they say dumb stuff, they turn into weird stalkers), I just block them. It usually solves the problem.

Blocking people on Facebook does have it's downfalls. The major one being that that person can and usually will find out you have blocked them. Other people can still see your stuff, just that one person can't.

It feels weird/hurtful when someone blocks or "defriends" you, but for whatever the reason it's for the best for that person.

Reason for saying all this: I blocked someone last night because of rude, unnecessary comments. I've known this person for a long time, and this person has been using rude, unnecessary comments for the majority of our lives. And last night I had had my fill. It had gone too far. Over the line.

So I became proactive. I'm not going to surround myself (or my Facebook) with people who don't support me in the best possible way. There is no need to have people in my life to push me down. I'm to the point where I can't worry about hurt feelings because some things never change. And this person never will.

It's very liberating to rid yourself of people and things who are hurtful and bring you down. We as people need to build each other up. Work together. Support each other.

It's taken me a long time to realize I don't have to have certain people in my life just because I grew up with them. Or we went to high school together. Or my best friend is her best friend's brother's cousin.

We are who we are. And some people just don't mesh and never will. AND THAT'S OK. People come in and out of our lives for a reason. As we grow, our friends change and grow. We grow closer to some people and away from others.

Challenge of the Day (or however long it takes): Take stock of your friend pile and work to "remove" those people who: make you feel bad about yourself, try to "one-up" you, critize you, disappoint you, intentionally say hurtful things and pretend to be "joking", etc.

Don't be scared or feel guilty. Rid yourself of those people or things that get you down. It will be tough, but you can do it. And if you need some extra support or encouragement, talk to someone close to you or talk to me.

It's a big step, but it's worth it.

Waiting is for the Birds

What's your thoughts on waiting? In the doctor's office? Before class starts? While class is in session? At work?

We are in a world full of waiting. Waiting to do something. Waiting for someone. Waiting to be ready for something. Always waiting.

Some people wait patiently, and others not so much. I am in the latter group where waiting is a chore. My patience is something I work on every day, and it is a time consuming battle.

I feel like I've been doing a lot of waiting here lately. Waiting for school to be out for summer. Waiting to get off work. Waiting for something fun to do. Waiting for that oh-so-special someone.

Waiting is for the birds.

But what if we all became proactive, instead of reactive? What if we made change, instead of reacted to change? How would we be different? How would the world be different?

We wait for something to happen; we expect it. We get blind-sided when we don't expect it.

Here's where I'm going with this. I want to be blind-sided by life (but in a good way). Waiting makes me feel ever-expectant. I feel like I'm always waiting.

But what if I stopped waiting? Just completely stopped. Life would just happen spontaneously, and it would be wonderful (or terrible). But let's go with wonderful.

The best things in life come when you least expect it. I got my job because I was recommended by a faculty member; I didn't apply for it. I feel like more things could be like that if we would just let it be. Expecting is how some people get hurt.

Here is my goal for the summer: To become less expectant of myself and other people. To let life happen. To live in the moment, good or not-so-good. To minimize disappointment because of the high expectations I hold for myself and others.

It sounds kind of negative to say "I'm becoming less expectant of myself and other people." I am not giving up my morals and values. I'm just not going to wait around and expect something to happen. It either will or it won't. Me toiling and boiling over it will have no effect on the outcome.

This will be a huge challenge for me. Probably more challenging than the running goal. But I feel like it will help me out in  the long run. I'm just going to give my self a "break", along with everyone else.

No more waiting, now it's doing. Let's make the magic of life happen, people. Let's get inspired and do something without waiting.

We could stand on the edge of this cliff our entire lives...but let's just not. Isn't jumping half the fun? It's time to scare ourselves ALIVE!

Just make it work for you. Until next time...(or I should say don't wait til next time....)

Go Big or Go Home

A few good things have come about this weekend that need to be shared. The sickness has died down thanks to a doctor visit and prescibed medication. While I'm not totally healed, I would say 90 percent is better than last week's 30 percent. This should mean a more productive work week. So congratulations...no more sick posts and me being whiny.

BIG HUGE THING: This girl is moving to the big city. Little Rock better get ready for me. I am so excited to say that it is almost official---pending paperwork evaluation. I have been commuting for six months now. As I have said before, it is for the birds. Still not sure how a 25 minute drive can turn into an hour. But that is another rant for another day.

As of April 23, I will no longer be a resident of Conway, AR. I will be living the life in West Little Rock with access to everything I could ever need. Library. School. Work. Fine Dining. Mountain Climbing. Nightlife (when there's time). And I am sure other things that have not been brought to my attention yet.

I am so excited that I could practically burst. Just blow up. Explode. Once we get settled, I will post pictures of the new place with all its fine amenities. Hopefully, I will hear back from them in just a short while because the waiting game is killer. Patience is not one of my finer qualities. It is something I have to work on every day.

While I am uber-excited about moving, the actual move itself is another story. There is nothing I dread more, especially since the new place is on the third floor. This fact will make for a not-so-thrilled Dad when move in day rolls around.

My bedroom furniture is a little extravagant. Four post bed with tall, skinny, long dresser. Average bedside table. You get the general idea. Beautiful to look at, but a pain to move. During this last move, we had to take it completely apart. I am was a nervous wreck about it, but it simply had to be done. This time will be even more interesting---hence the three flights of stairs, narrow stairwells, and  a dad whose hobby isn't moving.

Pray for me.

Last thing on the agenda: a boy.

Three years ago, I ended a relationship. While the end was horrible and painful, it was necessary. We two people did not go together, and we kept trying to find ways to make it work. But it was just broken. So we ended it after a 6 month period of torturing each other. It was like the break-up that wouldn't end. It turned out to be more painful for me because I was more emotionally invested in it. I lost that relationship along with many mutual friendships made during the course of its two years.

During my recovery time, which I like to call the Dark Days, I was a complete wreck mess. True story. I didn't want to go anywhere, do anything, hang out with anymore, nothing. I didn't trust anyone, especially boys. Every boy turned into my kryptonite.

I dove into a new major that semester of the Dark Days, and I started meeting new people. People with like interests. One of those being writing. I met a guy during this recovery time. I liked him a lot as a person. He was someone I really enjoyed. We laughed a lot---probably one of few people who could get a laugh out of me during that time. But we were both not in good places in our lives.

I was completely messed up from the relationship that wouldn't end. I was totally hung up on my ex and what was happening with that. It was not a good situation. This boy was shy and not sure of himself, even though I could see there was a big personality in there dying to get out.

Well this boy asked me out. Not just once, but multiple times. And I said no. Not once, but multiple times. Every time to be exact. And then it kind of just fizzled out. I'm sure I was very persistent in avoiding him at all cost. I was 19 and stupid. He quit asking me out, quit sending me texts, quit asking me just to hang out. He just quit. And I let him quit.

The point? I am now fully recovered from the Dark Days, and he is doing life. We are both completely different people now than we were then. Completely different. As I recovered, I kept up with him on the side by reading his blogs. Creepy? Yeah--maybe a little. He has done some awesome stuff with his life.

And I guess I've always kind of wondered what it would have been like had I not said no and been so scared to trust him. But I can't go back, only forward. I recently read that he's been working on a book proposal and has now finished it.

I don't know what happened, but something in my mind clicked and said "Contact him." Well I, of course, ignored it, but it became a reoccuring thought. The thing about reoccuring thoughts is that they should be acted on. I feel like it's God's way of telling me to do something.

So last night, I finally did it. I sent him a Facebook message since I don't have his phone number anymore. I told him Congrats for finishing the book proposal. And that it was a big deal. I hinted at what I was doing now. And just tried to keep in light and friendly because for all I know he could hate me.

I felt instantly better about it. The nagging urge to make contact was subsided, but my anxiety of if he would respond took its place. Now let's get this one MAJOR thing straight: I am not expecting anything to come of it. I just want to be friends. Am I hopeful? Yes, ever hopeful and optimistic. But expectant? No, he has every right to not say anything at all.

As I said, I just want us to be on friendly terms again. Just establish some kind of relationship...and see what happens. Friendship is a beautiful perfect thing, and I would really love to re-get-to-know-him. Because as I said, we are completely different people now.

If it turned into something else, then it would be a whole other thing. Let's just say I would be open-minded, unlike the first time. So here's to hoping and dreaming big. I felt like this was completely necessary to say because 1) I needed to own up to it, 2) I would have forever lived with what if I never say it and he never knows, and 3) when he does know, he can act on it however he chooses---Worst case senario- Things stay the same as they are now.

If you don't take chances, you never know. So there it is. Ever hopeful, never expectant.

Until next time...

Ushering in the New Year

Well Christmas is over, and New Year's has passed. So basically I'm back to the ole grind. Nothing much exciting has happened. But I thought I should touch base.

I started back to work today, and let me just say, it is such a slow day. School starts back on the 18th. And that is one thing I am not looking forward to, but it will start whether I am ready or not.

I've got some big decisions to make here in the next few weeks. I don't really want to get into detail, but I will tell you how it goes after I have decided what to do.

Things to do in 2011:

1. Make the decision.
2. Make all A's.
3. Find a new church.
4. Make time for one fun thing each week.
5. Be less stressed overall.

I feel like other things will come up as the year progresses, but I just want to figure somethings out and continue to grow and change as a person. 2011 is my year for something enchanting and magically to happen. I'm not sure what area in my life that something will be, but I can just feel it.

Hope everyone had a Happy Holidays and exciting New Year's experiences. I feel like this is shaping up to be Ashten's Year-of-Change! So let's see how that works out. I'll keep you posted. Until next time...