Now I just have to write a thesis. Which I haven't touched since May 2012.
Yep. May 2012.
I've been making my way to the library off and on these past few months to finish up research and data collection of the mammoth thesis project. And I've noticed a few things.
1.) Dragon necklace guy behind the counter should know by now that I ask for the same crap every time I come in there. I'm pretty sure zero people come in there and ask for 1966, 1968 or 1970 microfilm of the Arkansas Gazette and the Arkansas Democrat. Plus I look the same, give or take. T-shirt. Messy bun. Yoga pants. You'd think by now he would know that I KNOW how to work the microfilm machine. But every time dragon necklace asks me if I understand how to use it. I always nod and politely say yes unfortunately I'm very familiar with it. Come on, dragon necklace. Get it together.
2.) If you stay in the library long enough, you will catch yourself singing out loud to whatever song is blasting through your earphones. Today I caught myself singing Bruno Mars' Gorilla. Probably not library appropriate....but hey, they can't arrest me.
3.) You know it's time to leave the library when you start texting people in headlines and you think it's funny. It's not funny. It's sad. Very sad. Today's headline read Disgruntled grad student demands caffeine in library. Luckily, I have good friends that actually laugh instead of not ever talking to me again. I went home after that.
But I'm pleased to say I have only nine more months of newspaper coverage and editorials to sift through before I can start writing again. So if I gave 8-9 days to the library, that can all be over. And then I'll never have to see dragon necklace again.....or until I need to check out 498734985723974 books for said thesis writing.
Things are coming along.
I don't want to toot my own horn or anything. But I think it's going to be a nice piece of literature. Something I will be proud of.
There are times in one's life when it feels like there is not enough time. And there are times in life when you are praying for something to do.
Right now, I'm in the latter group.
There comes a time in a person's life where watching Netflix excessively, eating too much cereal, deciding if working out is a priority and figuring out how long you can do without clean clothes becomes less cool.
In college and right after college, those things still seem acceptable. But after having a job, being unemployed, getting a new job and becoming unemployed again, it just doesn't seem right anymore.
Having all this free time brings on feelings of guilt and inadequacy. It's depressing. And humbling. And frustrating.
And three years ago as a first year grad student who was working and driving all the time, I would have killed for free time.
You always want what you can't have. And once you get it, it's just not as colorful as you thought it would be.
I long for the feeling of contentment. And I usually take to content feelings like a duck to water. I like knowing what I have is enough. That I have it together enough to feel satisfied. That's a beautiful thing.
And then something happens that makes those feelings go away.
Losing your job to lack of funding. Landing two perfect-for-you job interviews but not getting the jobs. Meeting someone you really like for the first time in a LONG time but not getting to spend time with said person because of 500 miles of highways.
I'd love to tell you it was just one of those things bothering me. But I'd be lying.
And I have been doing stuff. It's just not stuff an almost 26-year-old woman with a college degree/pending Master's degree should be doing with her time.
Excessive time spent on Pinterest. Just a few things that have caught my eye.
Yoga, which is a pretty productive use of my time. I do still need to workout.
Job hunting. AKA sifting through the desert wasteland. Also productive.
Domestic chores. AKA laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning, etc. Again with productivity.
Excessive Netflix watching. It's gotten so bad that I can barely find anything to watch.
Thesis work. Less productive.
Daydreaming about said person 500 miles away. My productivity black hole.
Blog reading. One of my favorite ways to pass time.
On a positive note, the roommate and I did go horseback riding on Sunday.
The roommate got a blind-in-the-right-eye horse. He was a gentle giant. A perfect gentleman, too.
I got a horse named Candy.
She liked to go the same speed as molasses. I was usually 4-5 horse links behind no matter how hard I kicked her in the side. Although at one point, she did break into a trot, which in turned left me with a bruised butt. I wish I was kidding. But I'm not.
Other things to mention about horseback riding:
Always wear pants to prevent chaffing.
100 degrees is not ideal horseback riding weather.
Be prepared for a bruised butt due to trotting.
Now since I have all this free time, you'd think I'd write on this blog every day. But I can almost guarantee each days post would sound like this.
I got up. Brushed my teeth. Made coffee. Watched Netflix. Applied for jobs/went to the library to work on the thesis. Came home. Went to yoga/went to run. Ate dinner. Exercised the most self control to not text/call said person 500 miles away so I don't look like a needy girl. Went to bed. Tossed and turned. Fell alseep after 1 a.m. Repeat.
Nobody wants to read that depressing crap every day. So I'll try to do my best to come up with better content.