Right now, I'm in the latter group.
There comes a time in a person's life where watching Netflix excessively, eating too much cereal, deciding if working out is a priority and figuring out how long you can do without clean clothes becomes less cool.
In college and right after college, those things still seem acceptable. But after having a job, being unemployed, getting a new job and becoming unemployed again, it just doesn't seem right anymore.
Having all this free time brings on feelings of guilt and inadequacy. It's depressing. And humbling. And frustrating.
And three years ago as a first year grad student who was working and driving all the time, I would have killed for free time.
You always want what you can't have. And once you get it, it's just not as colorful as you thought it would be.
I long for the feeling of contentment. And I usually take to content feelings like a duck to water. I like knowing what I have is enough. That I have it together enough to feel satisfied. That's a beautiful thing.
And then something happens that makes those feelings go away.
Losing your job to lack of funding. Landing two perfect-for-you job interviews but not getting the jobs. Meeting someone you really like for the first time in a LONG time but not getting to spend time with said person because of 500 miles of highways.
I'd love to tell you it was just one of those things bothering me. But I'd be lying.
And I have been doing stuff. It's just not stuff an almost 26-year-old woman with a college degree/pending Master's degree should be doing with her time.
- Excessive time spent on Pinterest. Just a few things that have caught my eye.
- Yoga, which is a pretty productive use of my time. I do still need to workout.
- Job hunting. AKA sifting through the desert wasteland. Also productive.
- Domestic chores. AKA laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning, etc. Again with productivity.
- Excessive Netflix watching. It's gotten so bad that I can barely find anything to watch.
- Thesis work. Less productive.
- Daydreaming about said person 500 miles away. My productivity black hole.
- Blog reading. One of my favorite ways to pass time.
- Thumb tweedling.
On a positive note, the roommate and I did go horseback riding on Sunday.
The roommate got a blind-in-the-right-eye horse. He was a gentle giant. A perfect gentleman, too.
I got a horse named Candy.
She liked to go the same speed as molasses. I was usually 4-5 horse links behind no matter how hard I kicked her in the side. Although at one point, she did break into a trot, which in turned left me with a bruised butt. I wish I was kidding. But I'm not.
Other things to mention about horseback riding:
- Always wear pants to prevent chaffing.
- 100 degrees is not ideal horseback riding weather.
- Be prepared for a bruised butt due to trotting.
Now since I have all this free time, you'd think I'd write on this blog every day. But I can almost guarantee each days post would sound like this.
I got up. Brushed my teeth. Made coffee. Watched Netflix. Applied for jobs/went to the library to work on the thesis. Came home. Went to yoga/went to run. Ate dinner. Exercised the most self control to not text/call said person 500 miles away so I don't look like a needy girl. Went to bed. Tossed and turned. Fell alseep after 1 a.m. Repeat.
Nobody wants to read that depressing crap every day. So I'll try to do my best to come up with better content.