Wednesday, March 9, 2011


It's official. I have been approved to move April 23rd. Hands down it will be the best day ever. My roommate and I are so pumped to move. The place we live in now is just not right for us. We named it The Box.

That is just not something you want to go home to after a long hard day of school and work. The thing is we went about it all wrong.

After freshman year of college, we moved into a house. An amazing house. It was oh so perfect. Three bedroom, two bathrooms. Big kitchen. Garage. Big lawn. Good neighborhood. Patio. Stained-concrete floors. Perfect. I loved everything about that house.

After graduating college, we downsized to a 900 square foot apartment. Two bedroom. One Bathroom. No lawn. No patio. Smallest dishwasher ever made in the history of all the dishwasher (most of our cups have to lay on their sides). No extra storage. And people on the top floor that have hooves.

I don't think I have ever talked about David and Tina David. They are my upstairs neighbors who were born with hooves. I have no idea what their actual names are, but David and Tina David work for me. I do know they are a recently married couple who moved into the box above mine about the exact time we move there.

David is a tall, gangly fellow. And Tina David is a short, slight girl. No sign of hooves at first glance, but they gallop back and forth every night for hours on end. I don't understand how two people can walk so much in a 900 sqaure foot box.

The sad part about it is I can tell which one is which by their gaits. Tina stomps. Everywhere she goes she stomps. It is a fast-paced stomp. Like the balls of her feet never get the chance to hit the ground because she is too busy stomping with her heels. Hands down the most awful sound ever.

David is quite a bit tall than Tina so his gait is less frequent. His heels hit the ground a tab bit softer than hers. Sometimes when he is home alone, I can't hear him walk about. But if Tina is home, girl is walking. Stomping. Slamming cabinet doors. Washing 01391938 loads of clothes. And taking 985720487 showers and baths.

I swear those people bathe more than any person I know. Reason I know they bathe often: Every time their water turns on I can it hear it when I am in the bathroom, and I can hear it in my bedroom because the drain runs down my bedroom wall. And they usually take a shower right as I am about to fall asleep.

This issue with the Davids has gotten so bad that we have tried to let them know we hate their hooves. First we started lightly throwing a tennis ball at the ceiling. That didn't work. Now we stand on the kitchen counter and beat on the ceiling with our hands or some other object that will make a loud noise.

I think the message finally got through to them. Because one day not that long ago, I was beating on the ceiling with a tupperware bowl, and Tina beat back. She intentionally stomped on me. At first I was seeing red. But then I calmed down, and Tina kinda calmed down after that. But they are still stomping and loud as ever.

I know beating on the ceiling isn't the best way to solve the problem, but then it wouldn't be a good story. Asking her to quit is not as interesting as have a hate war with the upstairs neighbors. All I can say is April 23rd can't get here soon enough. No one will walk above me anymore. It will be the ultimate.

Until next time...

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