Calling All Prayer Warriors: #prayforAsher

This is Asher.

She is my three year old cousin and diva princess extraordinaire.But this little lady is about to face some rough times, as will her family and anyone who's ever met this extremely bright and vibrant child.

Asher was diagnosed with Ewing's Sarcoma yesterday. Ewing's is a rare bone cancer that forms small tumors on parts of a bone. In most cases, it stays localized in one area. But Asher's has metastasized to other areas of her body.

So today starts this sweet girl's journey, along with her family, into the toughest fight of her life. But let me tell you something about this kid. She's got a serious willpower. She is as hard-headed as they come. She's a fighter by nature. I mean she does have some Adamson in her. And we Adamsons are fighters when it comes to certain things.

This child has the biggest imagination and biggest heart of any child I know. She is super smart and catches on to every little thing, even the minor details. She's truly exquisite. She has a creative mind, and she talks like adult. 3 going on 23. Not even kidding.

 We, as a family, are deeply pained that she must hone her fighting skills at such a young age. And we all hate the idleness that comes with waiting and the lack of control we have over the entire situation. But this child is about to teach us all something very important. She knows she is sick, but her spirits have not diminished. In fact if I hadn't told she was sick, you'd never know it. She still bounces off the walls and screams at the top of her lungs. And it's the most glorious, shrill sound. I think we are all cherishing her good humor right now.

But she is about to teach us something. Patience. Love. Understanding. Friendship. Courage. Calm in the chaos. The ability to see what's most important in life. Everyone that knows this child or knows someone who knows her is about to be affected by her.

So here is my request: Please pray for Asher. Pray for her complete healing. The ability for her body to accept the rigorous treatment plan. The ability for the family to cope and deal through bad days and cherish and love the good days. Pray for her doctors and nurses. That they know how to treat her and what she needs to make a full recovery. Just pray. He will hear us all. And He will heal her.

In addition to my request, if you'd like to help out in a different way, Arkansas Children's Hospital has a Miracle Maker program to support the hospital and its patients on a monthly giving plan. Or you can make a one time donation. For more information about these things, go here. I'm also thinking about doing local fundraisers to help ease the family's financial stresses that are soon to add up. More on that, as I get more information and plan said events.

Thank you so much for letting me share this with you. I'll update you throughout the process. But until then, I leave you with this.

"Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life." Philippians 4:6-7 The Message Bible #prayforAsher

Herbs and Other Things

Dudes, I planted a mini-herb garden yesterday. I was inspired by my friend Tori, who got a really cool planter from Home Depot and planted a whole bunch of herbs and flowers.

So while I was at Walmart picking up a few things, I stumbled into the garden section to see what it had to offer. Low and behold, there was a wide selection of herbs, flowers and vegetable seeds. I grabbed a window box planter and called it a day.

I planted my four most favorite herbs: Parsley, dill, basil and rosemary.

Y'all, I want a garden so bad. I want to plant my own veggies and maybe try my hand at tilling up some land. Big sigh. Just another thing to save for when I have more time.

Speaking of time...and not having any, school is stupid. And by that I mean I need some serious motivation. I'm currently reading a book about Arkansas history, and it's just not as inspiring as the other books I've read this semester. I have to make myself sit down and focus to read it. It. Is. Awful.

And on top of the boring book, I have to work on my original research paper due May 10. That's four weeks for those of you who don't realize and/or understand why I will be crazy and talking gibberish. But not to worry, everything will be back to normal May 10.

Now is the time to remember this mantra Paul wrote many years ago:

"Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life." Philippians 4:6-7 The Message Bible.

Y'all, I've prayed for motivation and understanding so much lately. I constantly worry about how I'm going to get everything done for school, while I do all the other 100,000 things I have to do. I'm so tired of trying to please everyone. So I'm working on doing what I have to do and incorporating a few things I want to do.

So that is where I am right now. Stuck in a tug-a-war with myself over what I should do and what I want to do. Say some prayers please. They are much needed and appreciated right now.

What kind of stress are you under right now?


If you could plant a garden, what kind of herbs/flowers/veggies would you plant?
I'd have a full vegetable garden and all the herbs. I'd also plant some zinnias to help keep the bugs away and make it pretty.

The Disadvantages of Being a Girl

Y'all. I'm really stressed out. And there is not much I can do to elevate said stress. I just have to deal.

In a desperate attempt to work out some of my stress and frustrations, I took to the yoga studio for deep breathing and balancing activities.

 While I did leave yoga feeling more in tune with myself, I didn't work out any of my stressors. Just my luck, I guess.

Since this blog is a representation of myself, sort of a snapshot in time of where I am, I'm going to vent a little bit. And NOT ramble. I just feel like some things need to be said sometimes that we women would usually not say. So here it goes....

It sucks being a girl sometimes. And I usually am proud of my girly ways. But we ladies have a tendency to try to do everything for everyone. And we like to please everyone...therefore making it difficult to please ourselves.

I like everyone to be happy. I like harmony. I like peace. But sometimes all those things I like have hiccups and make me feel insane.

Case in point: I go to school. I do homework. I write. I cook. I clean. I wash clothes. I work. I run. I go to yoga. I'm a friend. I'm a roommate. I'm a girlfriend. I'm a daughter.

I am or do all of those things on a daily basis. And I've been feeling like I'm having a hard time balancing.

It's like I'm walking the tightrope every single day. Just a slip and I will come crashing down.

Now I realize I said I am or do all those things, but being a girl (or I should say being me) I want to do all of those things and be excellent at them. It's my innate ability to want to please people. I can't help it. I'm blue.

The point of this whole post is that I'm only one person. And I write this not to convince you of that fact, but to convince myself. I'm slapping myself in the face, if you will.

I can do it all to some extent, but then something has to give. And I'm not going to give up any of those things I am or do. I guess I just needed to share with you how hard I am on myself.

My name is Ashten....And I'm a perfectionist, people-pleaser and try-to-do-everything-all-the-time-person by nature. It's nice to meet you.

Never in a Million Years

First, I have a confession. I have only ran once this week, and I have done zero yoga. Sigh. In my defense (not that it really matters), I have been doing fridiculous amounts of homework in the evenings. With my birthday falling on a Monday and having something to do every night last weekend, homework took a serious backseat, which is not the norm. No worries. I'm caught up.

I'm unfortunately not caught up on grocery shopping, but I did find some good things to throw into a stir fry last night.

In this mix was short grain brown rice, steamed broccoli, corn, edamame and one egg. I threw the egg in on a whim (trying to be like my mom), and it was pretty tasty. And it gave me some added protein.

On a different note, I've been feeling pretty stressed this week. With the birthday, extreme amounts of homework and stressful projects at work, I feel like I've spread myself pretty thin the past few weeks. I'm finding myself with tense shoulders, a furrowed brow and more frequent break-outs. Why does the face always break out when stress sets in? Makes me more stressed, which fuels the vicious cycle of tension, forehead wrinkles and break-outs.

As I was perusing the World Wide Web, I came across this verse from the Message Bible.

"Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life." Philippians 4:6-7

I'm thinking it should be my new mantra whenever I feel stressed, or just all the time.

Switching gears: We all know my least favorite Holiday is approaching *ahem Valentine's Day.* Even though I'll actually have a Valentine this year, I'm still not sure how I feel about the whole required-to-show-affection day. My heart is with the single people of the world, I guess.

I am going to make a little something special for my Valentine, and we will be seeing each other this weekend. But as a little treat, I thought we could all look back to last year's Valentine's Day post to see exactly what I think about it.

I'm still have no idea what to get a guy for Valentine's Day. And I still loathe conversation hearts and creepy stuffed animals. And I still really dislike the idea of feeling forced to conform to society's "love day." And I still think the actual story of St. Valentine is better than any modern day love story.

But maybe my Valentine can help sway my train of thought away from such pessimism. Like I said a year ago, I am a hopeless romantic, and I do like to be wooed. But wooing shouldn't take place on a designated day.

More on this Valentine's thing later. For all I know, I could be completely wooed and made to love Valentine's Day....We shall see. Whatever happens, I know this Valentine's Day will be different than all previous Valentine's Days, which I'm most excited about.

I am handcrafting a little something, and I may or may not be flexing my baking skills (which I never in a million years thought I would do around Valentine's Day..and by that I mean crafting something for a special someone.) Who am I?

Tell me about your Valentine's history. Good or bad, I want to know.

What does one get a boy for Valentine's Day?

Stress Would Not Exist at the Beach

I've been through the ringer at work this week. It's be cray cray for realz. So bad that I woke up this morning feeling stressed and out of sorts. And I haven't been able to shake that feeling all day. Sigh. And let's not even talk about school and how my thesis advisor has yet to respond to an urgent e-mail. Double sigh.

Let's not go there. Let's go to the happy place. The beach.

I spent my days like this:

I'd start out in the chair.

Let the water lap at my toes.

Then I'd move to the beach blanket to sun my extremely white back. And take naps. Which is what happened in this picture. I'm pretty sure I drooled on my towel. Not that it matters. I was at the beach. Don't judge me.

I also had a little "accident" with the condo's coffee maker. And by accident I mean it exploded. Coffee exploded out the top and down the side and all over the counter. It was molten lava hot coffee. So after that, the roommate and I ventured out for our morning joe.

A champion breakfast of cinnamon raisin french toast and hashbrowns were also consumed during a coffee outing one morning.

Nobody was upset that the toast slices were as big as my face. And pure heaven. I'm pretty sure Jesus had a hand in creating this breakfast. Thank you Lord.

I also got to see a real live sea creature.

This little beauty washed ashore. And I have no idea what it is. It's little legs would fall off when we touched it. And it was slimy and mushy. But still a sea creature. Pretty cool.

I need to go back to this happy place to recover from my horrid work week.

But instead I will brave the grocery store and Wal-Mart because I have nan food. Or shampoo. Or conditioner. Or soap. Or detergent. So basically I stink. Ha. Just kidding. But this shopping trip MUST happen today.

I'm going to make eggplant lasagna tonight for dinner and go for an evening run. After yesterday and today, I need to pound out the pavement and get rid of this stress. Pray for a good run.

What are your plans for the weekend?
~~~I am going to sleep later than 7:15 in the morning. Drink coffee out of my new "Life is Good mug." And maybe clean the apartment...maybe.

What do you do to de-stress?

Testing My Sanity

It's 4:42 P.M. Usually I've been home for about an hour and 42 minutes. Obviously today doesn't fit that bill.

It's been one of those days. You know the type. So this post will be an attempt at self therapy and self medication.

Case in point:

My version of self therapy and seld medication: Blogging and vino. So with that you get this.

I had to work on a Monday, which rarely happens. Summer camp at my office is in fun force, and we are trying to get everything settled so it can come to a close. I've been teaching some of the older kids how to blog, and today was a day we spent in the computer lab typing our work to be posted on said blog.

Stressor Number 1:

One of the 5th grade boys did not want to participate in today's activity. When I asked him why, he responded with a hand touching his throat and forehead, meaning that his throat and head hurt. I asked him if I needed to call his mother to come pick him up because he was feeling so bad. He shook his head no. So I told him he had to participate if he felt good enought to stay at camp. He just stared at me.

When I checked on him 20 minutes later, he had typed nothing on his paper. So I decided to watch him like a hawk. He would only write if I was standing directly behind his chair.

After 45 minutes, his classmates had all finished and went back to their classroom. He had written two short sentences. Then, the 4th graders came in.

After 45 more minutes, the 4th graders were finished and back in their classroom. And he was still sitting at his desk NOT typing. He had written at total of five short lines in two hours. I kept him until lunch time and made him type. What a tyrant I am.

I took him back to class and talked to his teacher. She said he fell asleep in class before coming to my class. Well that pissed me off even more. As a student, I would have never EVER fallen asleep in class. And I forgot to tell you that he argued with me when I was checking his spelling and grammar. Apparently he thinks he knows more than a college graduate and an ALMOST Master of Journalism. And I think he is totally cray cray.

His teacher suggested I write him up for his bad behavior and lack of drive to type a worthy paragraph. She also told me she had spoken to his parents and grandma FOUR times, and his attitude had yet to improve.

So once he had eaten lunch, I pulled him from the group and took him to the office. And then I told him I was writing him up for a bad attitude and a lack of following directions when asked. I told him that middle school would not put up with a boy who didn't do his work. And that I take a lot of time out of my work day to come teach him about blogging and writing for the Internet.

And then he cried. And I blew it. I said in an appalled voice, "Are you crying?????!!!!" I could not believe it. He didn't have the will to do the work, but he had the guts to cry in front of me when he got in trouble for it. I don't feel bad for him. I know I'm terrible.

Stressor Number 2: The summer campers are selling handmade products in the River Market tomorrow. So I have been trying to get local media outlets to come out and support us. I've written a press release, and I've sent all my information to the Communications Office. And nothing has happened. It's been over two weeks.

So I call my office's Communication's liaison. And she didn't answer. Keep in mind that I've sent her numerous e-mails, left voicemails, and I spoke to her last Thursday. She told me Thursday I would know something today.

So I call the other woman who takes care of media relations. She tells me she won't know if anyone is going to come the River Market sale until tomorrow morning after the local media meet and discuss story options. Ummm....tell me why someone couldn't have told me that to begin with.

Stressor Number 3: Facfocus, the UALR faculty listserv that sends out 8497254875487 pointless e-mails per day, did not send my River Market sale flyer I sent at 8:30 this morning. So I sent it again at 2:30 this afternoon.

Nothing happened.

So I called Computing Services. They told me that the server is backed up, but it should be fixed anytime. So my message should go out soon. Forty-five minutes later, my message still hasn't went out. So I call again.

Keep in mind stressor 2 is playing out at same time as stressor 3.

I call again. I get a different guy. I tell him my dilemma. He goes to find the original guy who helped me. While I'm on hold, I rant to my co-worker something like this.

This has been the worst day ever. I can't believe I made a kid cry. And now my dang message won't go out to facfocus. It's just my luck that Computing Services can't fix it today. How am I a Communications Coordinator, and I can't communicate to the publics I need. As soon as I leave here, I'm going straight to the liquor store to get the biggest bottle of white wine. Chilled so I don't have to wait to drink it. Ughhhhhhhhhh!!!

The guy gets back on the line and tell me he is going to transfer me to my original guy. And tacks this on to the end: "A big bottle of wine sounds pretty good right about now."

Yep. He heard me. Heard my whole entire rant. Awesome.

Moral: Be sure to wait for the horrid elevator music before starting the I-had-the-worst-day-ever-and-need-a-big-bottle-of-wine rant. Or else they could hear you.

I left work shortly after that feeling totally defeated. I drove straight to the liquor store and went straight to the wine cooler looking for my favorite vino. I didn't see it. I asked the guy working. Do you have Barefoot Riesling?

He said no.

THEY DON'T CARRY IT!!!

Defeated yet again.

So I bought Barefoot Mascato and called it a night.

Did I get anything for supper? Nope.

On a lighter note, the roommate, Logan and I ran last night in the blazing heat.

Here are the highlights:

Yeah, we were totally insane to run last night. It turned out better than we thought it would. Thankfully.

Hope you guys had a great and stress-free Monday. I'm going to drink my supper. See ju tomorrow. It's a new day.

Credit to The Big Guy Upstairs

My life has been go go go since school is out. I think I've been trying to cram in so many fun things before next semester that I forgot to check my final grades for the semester.

So this morning I checked it. And my screen looked like this.

This girl got that fat 4.0. Holla. I was too excited. And had that one professor from last semester given me an A, I would have a 4.0 overall. He's a fool with a stupid name. (end rant.)

And this was me after checking grades.

Pretty excited. (Don't mind the under-eye circle. They are from my lack of sleep due to a huge face after oral surgery. I'm trying to not be self-conscious about my left cheek still feeling like it looks like a balloon. And also today is my "Casual Friday", hence the work polo and messy bun.)

I felt like I was going to get an A in my history class because I knew I put in the work that deserved an A.

I also knew I was teetering on the A/B line in Processes and Effects because most of my grades were low A's and high B's. I guess the final paper I wrote pushed me to the A side. (But I bet she doesn't know I wrote that 15-page mammoth over the course of one afternoon...A.K.A I bs-ed it.)

The PR Class was up in the air. Lady's grading was crazy hard in the beginning, but then she lightened up closer to the end. Based on the e-mail from her (feature below), I'm pretty sure my Case Study and presentation earned me an A.

From the PR professor regarding my case study and presentation.

Thought from the beginning that this was one of the most innovative and original case study ideas presented. Your presentation and your report didn’t let me down. Your written report was one of the most thorough – if not the most – I received, right down to analyzing the types of crises that faced J&J. Your analysis of the public relations issues was as comprehensive and insightful as I’ve seen in this class (or others). Only a few – very few – writing issues popped up. The thoroughness of your presentation complimented your written report. In fact, the only fault I can find is this: don’t play with your hair while you’re giving a presentation. Other than that – Bravo!
Grade 248/250

Moral: Nervous habits (like playing with your hair to help you focus on what you are saying) needs to be checked at the door. But she still said I was the most innovative and original, which was nice for the ego.

So basically all the crying, worrying, stressing and angering paid off. (I know angering is not a word. Just trying to keep things parallel. Grammer is important, you know.)

The credit for this one goes straight up the the Big Guy for hearing my prayers and the prayers of those closest to me to could feel my stress.

Thank you Jesus for carrying me through when I was too tired to walk this semester. Thank you for the extra brain power and will to keep hacking away at that stacks of homework and projects. Thank you for surrounding me with incredible classmates --- Megan, Beth, Carmen, Lauren, Mike, Ginger, and Kristin --- incredible teachers --- Zacher, Drale, David Keith, and Donna Stephens --- and my family and close friends --- too many of you to name.

It feels good to see the fruits of your labor. It's things like this that keep us motivated. Your motivation may be different than mine. But I promise your motivation is there. You just have to look for it. So open up those peepers and see what's out there.

Happy Thursday, friends. Love jus guys.

All night long: A Solution to My School Ailments

I am contemplating pulling an all-nighter. How does everyone feel about this?

I'll tell ya I'm a little nervous about it because I have never done one. Now I have stayed up into the wee hours of the morning hanging out with friends, kicking it at Relay for Life with my sorority sisters, or dancing it up in downtown Little Rock.

But never have I ever pulled an all-nighter for school.

When I got out of class last night with a huge assignment on my plate and many more assignments ever looming over me, I felt completely defeated. I mean full-on pity party mode. "Why am I doing this?" "This is stupid and hard and it won't help me in the real world with a real job...." harump! Sad face. I know very "whoa-to-me" I was after a three hour lecture and assignment beating.

As I laid down in bed with my eyes wide and mind abuzz, it hit me. Thought: I should pull an all-nighter. Other people I know do it all the time, multiple times in a row. Why can't I do it.

I realize sleep is important, and I am one of those people who need all the sleep. But I am to the point of desperate. Completely at a cross-roads of grad school life. Do I stay up and work all night? Or do I get the rest and stress about all the things I need to do tomorrow?

Something has me sold on trying it out. I think I'm to the point where insanity has set in, and I need to try something different to see if it can bring me back to a sane frame of mind. So as of Sunday night...I am pulling an all-nighter. I will fuel myself with inconceivable amounts of coffee and snacks and just hack away at all the stupidity that is my school life.

Maybe this will help me see the light at the end of the tunnel. Or maybe it won't. Never know til you try, and apparently the way I've always done things isn't cutting it because the stress level is at 110 out of 100 and my anger/rage meter is basically on edge all the time. Plus I feel like crying any time anyone tries to hand me another assignment (at work or school).

Pray for me. Your prayers are much needed and appreciated. The Big Guy will know what to do with them while I'm still binging on coffee and snacks.

Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? How was it? Success or just one more reason to stress out?

Until next time...

The Words of The Godfather: A War Cry

This weekend proved to be a complete mess. In last Thursday's post, I listed all of my weekend plans and homework assignments. I am happy to report that all the homework was completed. Success. But I did hit a huge road block along the way.

Friday, I spent my day working on PR Cases homework, which consisted of a discussion board with 2 posts and a PR Case proposal. Let me preface the story with this: The professor provided no instructions or examples on what the proposal should look like. I e-mailed her last Monday to ask for guidance. She said it's a one-page summary, give the 5Ws and H, and tell me what sources you plan to use. Pretty general. Or so I thought.

I found the Tylenol case from 1982 where seven people died, and I thought it would be cool to compare that incident to more recent Tylenol recalls to see if the company maintained its crisis management skills. Sounds promising.

So I wrote a little one-page summary of what I was going to look at. I generalized the sources saying I would look at Tylenol press releases and other literature, the news media, academic literature on crisis management for theories, and what people said in reaction to it. Turned it in. Moved on to the next thing on my agenda, which was lunch at Panera Bread and reading old Arkansas Gazette articles for my research paper.

While I'm eating lunch and reading over articles, I check my e-mail and see a response to my proposal. At the time I did not anticipate the full-on rage and anger that would consume me in the few seconds after reading the e-mail. She wrote and I quote:

Ashten,

Since we have the Tylenol case in our text, I don't want you to spend a lot of time on the original case. I know I made it clear on the first day that you had to find a case not covered in our text. Plenty has been written about the Tylenol case for sure, so you need to concentrate on something more original. The last graph of your proposal offers that chance: has Tylenol followed it's own best practices in other recalls since the original crisis in 1982. Again, I don't want you to rehash what's already been written about extensively, including in the text we're now studying. It needs to be something beyond the text.


I also had hoped you would have your sources more defined by now -- the purpose of having you submit this proposal was to make sure you started that research early enough to determine if you had the resources you need to complete a case study. You don't want to be pursuing a case and find out a couple of days before it's due that there's not a whole lot out there to help you. You need to be specific about those resources.


The bottom line: let me know if you plan to pursue the Tylenol-since-the-crisis angle exclusively (without going over plowed ground except to reference in a sentence or two). Also let me know which resources specifically you plan to use.


Grade on this proposal: 38/50 points (Just so everyone knows, 38/50 is a 76%)
 
This sent me into hysterics. Luckily, I made it to my car before the tears started flowing. (Looking back on it now, the e-mail wasn't really that big a deal). Here is what I have a problem with:
 

• The professor provided no instructions on the assignment, hence I would have turn it in complete and correct.
• She makes it sound like it was my fault I got this grade, which I could care less about the grade.
• She didn't say how specific she wanted our sources cited. For a one-page thing, generalizing should be good enough.
• She forgets that I have two other more demanding classes that require my 110% of attention and participation. I don't live and breath PR Cases, sorry!

I'm pretty sure the crying was always going to happen. The stress level this semester has been over-the-top. It was easier to deal with last semester, and I never thought I would say that. Like I said, I have classes that demand time set aside for working purely on them. Sometimes I feel like I could work the rest of the semester on just one class and still not feel satisfied with my effort. And I have three classes that are like that.

In the midst of the waterworks, I managed to pull it together enough to e-mail her back. I asked to set up at time to meet IN PERSON to talk about the final project. She said yes.

Then I texted a professor from UCA, my alma mater, to have him talk some sense into me. Thankfully, he was able to reason with me like always. He told me I buried the lead, which I did. He told me how to talk to her during my meeting, which helped. Then he allowed me to talk about how stressed I am and let me be a baby about grad school without passing judgment.

Needlesstosay, he knows me all too well. He provided the advice I needed, the constructive criticism I needed to avoid another incident like that and the kind words to keep my motivated. Thank you. It was much needed. :)

So I was down, but not beaten. I let grad school win the battle, but I will win this war. That is a promise. It sounds crazy to suffer such psychological beatings. And even though I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel just yet, it's there. I will get there.

Grad school does not make you smarter in the sense of academics in your field of study (I'm sure they would kill me if they knew I said this).

It makes you a smarter person who is able to manage time, juggle activities, stand up for oneself, work toward an unseen goal, self-motivate, self-educate and shout praise for an accomplishment nobody close to you understands. It's life changing. And I'm in it to win it. I will be the last one standing in this war.

As they say in The Godfather: Let's go to the mattresses!

Until next time...